Need to let someone know they're loved? Try using actions, rather than words. "Love is an action verb," says Jamie Comstock, a professor of communication at Butler University in Indianapolis. "To actually feel the love, the other person has to sense the message in nonverbal ways."
1. Small weekly presents "count" more than rare, splashy ones.
The inherent love message: "I am committed to you."
Saving up for those expensive Valentine's roses and jewelry in a velvet box? If it means you can't afford smaller tokens of affection the remainder of the year, think twice. That is not to say jewels and blooms are not good or welcome gifts. But grand gestures shouldn't usurp more frequent demonstrations of your love. Just deliver your deep cordial best wishes with your gifts to your loved one.
Frequent contact is just one of the top signs of devotion, based on Comstock. "Your mother will value a big box of sweets on Valentine's Day, but if she does not hear from you again until Mother's Day, she won't feel the love in the gesture," Comstock says.
Those small gestures don't have to be store bought tokens; they can take the form of a daily catch up with a traveling lover, the regular, loving gestures you show a partner -- making the bed first, bringing him coffee, scraping ice from her car in the morning -- or a weekly call to your aging parents.
2. Frequent touching speaks louder than words.
The inherent love message: "We're linked."
Whether you are hugging your dad or caressing a lover, touch telegraphs fondness faster than words do. Thank your skin's considerable nerve endings for why touch feels so fine and your brain. The emotional brain "gets" touch communication more immediately than it comprehends words that must be processed first through the speech centres says David Givens, director of the Center for Nonverbal Studies in Spokane, Washington, and author of Love Signals.
Touch comes naturally to couples but infamously fades over time. Older adults tend to react particularly ardently to touch as a sign of love because they're often "touch deprived," says Comstock.
Counter that trend with a day-to-day willful hug, a shoulder squeeze, as you sit opposite each other letting your knees touch.
3. Doing slightly complicated things for your beloved brings you closer.
The underlying love message: "I'm ready to put forth special effort for you."
A perception that you simply have gone the extra mile reduces the emotional space between the two. So, for example, making a treasure hunt of post-it notes bearing hearts registers higher on the "you adore me!" scale than the usual rote "I love you" verbally tacked onto the end of every phone conversation.
More examples: A carefully planned escape scan a lifetime of old prints into digital images or weekend.
How corny these attempts are depends on their execution and your taste. However, what they have in common: a lover's attempt.
4. Actions that "mirror" reinforce a common courtship behavior.
The underlying love message: "We're so in synch."
Go dancing. Have a walk together. The operative word is collective. As you take a walk using a companion, for instance, you tend to fall into step with each other, matching your strides, going in exactly the same direction, seeing precisely the same things en route. Dancing requires an even more strongly fit echoing of your behaviors.
When we feel close, which strengthens additional familiarity we automatically mimic each other. Couples do this unconsciously all the time: See a pair that is flirting. "It is a strong way of being likewise," Givens says.
People who desire to express love that's sure to be felt can borrow a page from precisely the same playbook and reflect their behaviors in ways that are intentional.
"The more alike you're, the more you like each other," Givens says.
5. Nothing thrills like a little inside knowledge.
The underlying love message: "I know you as well as feel close to you personally."
A shirt that is new is fine. One that's monogrammed (for a recipient who likes them) is better still. But best of all, in case you are looking to share, "I love you": a present that reveals that you are paying attention to the relationship.
That will mean something you made yourself just for the individual, or something that reflects an inside joke or insider knowledge about the person's passions and tastes. How much you spend isn't the point here; it's how much you spend emotionally.
"The strongest relationship messages we send cost almost nothing," Comstock says.
1. Small weekly presents "count" more than rare, splashy ones.
The inherent love message: "I am committed to you."
Saving up for those expensive Valentine's roses and jewelry in a velvet box? If it means you can't afford smaller tokens of affection the remainder of the year, think twice. That is not to say jewels and blooms are not good or welcome gifts. But grand gestures shouldn't usurp more frequent demonstrations of your love. Just deliver your deep cordial best wishes with your gifts to your loved one.
Frequent contact is just one of the top signs of devotion, based on Comstock. "Your mother will value a big box of sweets on Valentine's Day, but if she does not hear from you again until Mother's Day, she won't feel the love in the gesture," Comstock says.
Those small gestures don't have to be store bought tokens; they can take the form of a daily catch up with a traveling lover, the regular, loving gestures you show a partner -- making the bed first, bringing him coffee, scraping ice from her car in the morning -- or a weekly call to your aging parents.
2. Frequent touching speaks louder than words.
The inherent love message: "We're linked."
Whether you are hugging your dad or caressing a lover, touch telegraphs fondness faster than words do. Thank your skin's considerable nerve endings for why touch feels so fine and your brain. The emotional brain "gets" touch communication more immediately than it comprehends words that must be processed first through the speech centres says David Givens, director of the Center for Nonverbal Studies in Spokane, Washington, and author of Love Signals.
Touch comes naturally to couples but infamously fades over time. Older adults tend to react particularly ardently to touch as a sign of love because they're often "touch deprived," says Comstock.
Counter that trend with a day-to-day willful hug, a shoulder squeeze, as you sit opposite each other letting your knees touch.
3. Doing slightly complicated things for your beloved brings you closer.
The underlying love message: "I'm ready to put forth special effort for you."
A perception that you simply have gone the extra mile reduces the emotional space between the two. So, for example, making a treasure hunt of post-it notes bearing hearts registers higher on the "you adore me!" scale than the usual rote "I love you" verbally tacked onto the end of every phone conversation.
More examples: A carefully planned escape scan a lifetime of old prints into digital images or weekend.
How corny these attempts are depends on their execution and your taste. However, what they have in common: a lover's attempt.
4. Actions that "mirror" reinforce a common courtship behavior.
The underlying love message: "We're so in synch."
Go dancing. Have a walk together. The operative word is collective. As you take a walk using a companion, for instance, you tend to fall into step with each other, matching your strides, going in exactly the same direction, seeing precisely the same things en route. Dancing requires an even more strongly fit echoing of your behaviors.
When we feel close, which strengthens additional familiarity we automatically mimic each other. Couples do this unconsciously all the time: See a pair that is flirting. "It is a strong way of being likewise," Givens says.
People who desire to express love that's sure to be felt can borrow a page from precisely the same playbook and reflect their behaviors in ways that are intentional.
"The more alike you're, the more you like each other," Givens says.
5. Nothing thrills like a little inside knowledge.
The underlying love message: "I know you as well as feel close to you personally."
A shirt that is new is fine. One that's monogrammed (for a recipient who likes them) is better still. But best of all, in case you are looking to share, "I love you": a present that reveals that you are paying attention to the relationship.
That will mean something you made yourself just for the individual, or something that reflects an inside joke or insider knowledge about the person's passions and tastes. How much you spend isn't the point here; it's how much you spend emotionally.
"The strongest relationship messages we send cost almost nothing," Comstock says.
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